John Davies is a senior corporate partner at leading commercial law firm Thrings. As a TBE columnist, John regularly addresses a topical news or business-related issue. This time he’s trying his hand at political poetry, again.
Friends, in the midst of these oh-so-troubled times there is one thing that’s constantly been on my mind. One persistent Brexit-related problem and I can’t keep it in anymore. It’s been a while since I wrote one of my awful poems, but I felt the need to share: Laura Kuenssberg needs a kip.
You’ve got to feel sorry for Laura, when does she get to kick back?
She’s on first thing in the morning, and at night when I climb in the sack.
She’s on the telly at lunchtime, the radio too in between,
She’s either on the airwaves, or right there on the small screen.
When does Laura have downtime? When is she able to eat?
She must be flippin’ knackered, she’s always on her feet.
I know she’s got Norman beside her, and Pienaar’s not far away,
But it’s always poor Laura on the goggle-box, from first thing ’til the end of the day.
I guess she does Amazon shopping, Ocado and groceries online,
There’s no way she’s shopping at Sainsbury’s, there’s no way she has the time.
There’s no way she’s been on vacation, she can’t have, there isn’t the space,
Go turn on your telly I dare you, for there you’ll see Laura’s face.
I didn’t feel sorry for Laura, post-Newsnightfour years ago,
When the big job came knocking, she said “of course I’ll give it a go”.
Who knew Mr Cameron’s thinking? Who knew he’d say “peeps, you decide”?
Not Laura I guess, she said yes to the job, her face bursting with pride.
They’re always asking her questions, old Marr and that man Neil,
What does the word ‘prorogue’ mean? Which laws will they repeal?
Live questions can be tricky and can sometimes cause a fog,
And she needs Roget’s Thesaurus when conversing with the Mogg.
Poor Laura has seen off Theresa, before that she saw off our Dave,
She may see off Boris and Corbyn, who knows, but it’s looking quite grave.
She’s witnessed the circus unfolding, John Bercow inside the big top,
She’s there with a mic and a camera, as democracy here goes pop!
I’m quite concerned about Laura, with so much on her plate,
Reporting on political ups and downs, staying calm and never irate.
With Beth Rigby at Sky looking over, Kuenssberg’s in full tilt,
Commenting on state goings-on in her distinctive Glaswegian lilt.
So what can we do about Laura? Well, Westminster’s now shut for five weeks.
If my maths is correct, and it usually is, that’s about thirty-five sleeps.
So I plead with you Ms Kuenssberg, take some time away from our screens,
And when you wake up, it may all be ok, and not falling apart at the seams.
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